c8

So Cassie sat. She wanted to call Julie and Marty, but before she did that she would wait for Beth to rouse, tell her something about this. There was no reason Cassie could think of that made sense, but Beth deserved a chance to explain her secrecy.
It was a long time—a couple of hours—and the sun was setting when Cassie heard a moan and cough from the bed and Beth began to stir. Her free hand went to her chest and she grimaced. You could always count on pain to wake a patient. Then without opening her eyes, she found the call button with the same hand and rang for the nurse.
One came very quickly and gave Cassie a nod on her way to the bed. "Evening, Doctor," she said to Beth. "How's the pain?"
"Not so good. Is it time for meds?"
"You're close enough. Just let me get a blood pressure, check your urine output and then I'll get you taken care of. Inhalation therapy is going to start bothering you pretty soon…."
"Swell," she said.
The nurse completed the blood pressure reading, charting it. She glanced at the catheter bag and said, "You're doing very well, Doctor. I'll be right back with that pain medication."
"The faster, the better," she muttered.
When the nurse had cleared the room, Cassie softly said, "Very sneaky."
Beth jerked her head toward Cassie with an unmistakable and very mean frown on her face. Her eyes were narrowed and her mouth held in a tight, unhappy line.
Cassie stood and went to the bed, leaning over. "What's going on? Why did you do this without me?"
Her features momentarily relaxed—caught. Her eyes drifted closed. "I didn't want to go through it again, that's all."
"So you went it alone?"
She took a breath. "I was pretending it was a tooth extraction. I didn't want all the helping. Hoping. Coping. All that fear around me. It's not as bad as it looks…."
"It looks like a mastectomy," Cassie said. "The second one. It's not a tooth extraction."
"They're treating it like another primary cancer. Once the breast tissue is gone… Listen, the last time was too much. I just couldn't…"
"Beth, you can have it whatever way you want," Cassie said gently, rubbing a knuckle along her soft cheek. "But there's no reason to pretend with me. With any of us."
"Yeah, there is. You're pretty good at this, Cassie, but the others… My parents… Really, if I have to go through that again…"
"Honey, we're not going to leave you for this," she whispered. "That was from hell, what Mark did to you. But the rest of us—we're with you forever. And forever's going to be a long time."
Beth squeezed her eyes and her lips contorted. "We don't know that," she said in a choked whisper. "We don't know anything yet. In fact, we might not know anything for months. Years."
"And you don't want anyone in this with you while you're figuring that out? I don't believe that."
"Cassie," she said on a sob. "Cassie…"
"Okay, Beth, I don't want you to worry about anything," Cassie said tenderly. "I'm the only one who got wind of this. I won't say a word—I'll let you catch your breath. But I'm not leaving you."
"No, I'll be fine," she said. "I gathered up some groceries before I checked in. The laundry's done, the cat's been fed—"
"You don't have a cat," Cassie laughed, though there was an emotional catch in her voice.
"Oh, that's right. No cat. Wonder what I fed? I'll just lay low—watch some movies, zone out on pain meds. It'll be over before you know it. I'll be back at work in no time…."
"Nice try. I already called my supervisor," she lied. "I have a couple of days off and I'm taking a couple of sick days. When you're discharged, I'll watch movies with you and dose you up. It'll be like old times—you'll do narcs and I'll do Chablis. You'll see—I'm a goddamn good nurse. Better than these med-surg losers."
Beth turned her head toward Cassie, eyes open but the expression unreadable. "Don't bother," she said. "Really…"
"It's already done," Cassie said. "I can't let you go through this alone—it would damage me for life."
Beth reached out her free hand, IV inserted and tube following, and grabbed Cassie's wrist. "My parents, Cass. Please…don't call them."
Cassie thought for a moment, remembering the last time, calling to mind Beth's parents and their clumsy attempts at caretaking. They barely took care of themselves. In all Beth's growing-up years, her parents were amazing tutors, very involved in her education and totally committed to learning, studying, and that was where their nurturing abilities began and ended. They could never have managed more than one child and Beth's cancer threw them into a helpless panic. In no time they had turned Beth and Mark's fashionable little townhome into a hovel filled with clutter and raw emotion.
"Yeah," Cassie said, "I know. They were kind of a load, huh? I'll let you handle them in your own time. But you do understand, they love you like mad?"
"I get that, yes," she answered sleepily. "They're just not good at this."
Cassie smiled. "Fortunately, I am."
The nurse returned with a syringe. "Well, this should help you sleep and feel better," she said, going straight for the IV.
"Oh, baby," Cassie laughed. "That's going right in the vein—you have a good doctor. Beth, I'm going to leave—they're going to keep you as drugged as tolerable all through the night and I'd be wasting good TV hanging out with you. I'll check in on you in the morning."
"Cassie," she said weakly. "Don't tell—"
"I won't call the girls till we've had some time to sort through how you want to manage this. I promise. But me, you're stuck with."
"Okay," she said weakly. "Okay, then." And her eyes drifted closed.
When the nurse had left and the room was bathed in dusk, Cassie stood at Beth's bedside for a long time. I've spent so much envy on her, she thought. And look how her life's going. Why couldn't she have ordinary problems like the rest of us? Like trouble getting a boyfriend or passing chemistry? Or maybe even an unsympathy-worthy bad MCAT score? But for years everything seemed to go right for Beth, and on top of that she was stunning. Gorgeous. If you didn't know anything about her but her grades, her achievements, her looks, you'd think she just hadn't suffered enough.