c6

He laughed at her. "It's camping, Cassie. Think you can make it twenty-four hours? We could take off on Saturday morning, get home Sunday afternoon. This may be beyond your limit—I usually don't even change clothes. I do stop for breakfast, though. That's a good time to clean up, a little emergency maintenance."
"Wow," she said. "I didn't think I'd ever try something like that…."
"It's fun, Cassie. It's a little rugged and it gets cool on the ocean, but the sunset is awesome—the whole experience is. Remember, I did that for over a year once. I hated to see it end. But really, a couple of motel rooms—I'm good with that. Your call."
"Gee, I wonder if I'm up to it…."
"I'm real flexible. If you change your mind in the middle of the night and need a bed, I don't mind."
"Really? It wouldn't be like dragging along an old lady? Waiting for me to wimp out?"
"I can handle it. Why don't you give it a try? Just for kicks. If you hate it, you won't ever do it again."
"Well…I guess I could brave it. Gee. A whole weekend on the bike…."
"You might like it. You've liked it so far."
It was eleven when he left, and again at the door, he put a big gentle hand on her waist, making it feel small when, in fact, it was not. He pulled her near, and moved over her mouth sensually, lovingly, briefly. Gentle but there was certainly a hidden power there. She wondered if this was a bad idea, letting him have these parting kisses, but truthfully, it was almost her favorite part. When he pulled back, he smiled. "I like this friendship, Cassie."
"Don't get any ideas," she warned.
"Of course not," he said. "Don't you, either."
After he had gone, she went to the trash and dug out the bottle of wine they'd shared. She rinsed it and planned to root some ivy in it because she liked the label. Then she got on the Internet and traced it to the Napa Valley vineyard where it came from. And she learned that it sold for ninety-five bucks.
He was a fool for her, she thought. Maybe she should cool this friendship before she hurt him and left him totally broke.
Then she realized it was the first time she could remember being concerned that she might do the hurting. That made her smile. It was nice not being the desperate one for once.
She'd have to reappraise the whole thing after spending two days on a bike and sleeping on the sand.
  Marty stared at Ryan Chambers's business card at least twice a day. Usually six times. She'd started having wild fantasies that maybe he'd changed, grown up like he said, and that she'd made the wrong choice, marrying Joe. In the midst of her anger with her husband, who happened to show up out of the blue but her old boyfriend? She began to see herself twirling around in those high, strappy heels, dancing. Dining with candles. Being seduced and nuzzled and cuddled and…all of it. The way it had once been with Ryan, when things were going well. The way it had been with Joe before they married.
She and Joe did nothing but argue, and always about the same things—he didn't help her at all, didn't compromise, didn't put forth any effort to make himself appealing. His idea of a compliment was a slap on the ass. The more she bitched, the shorter his fuse got. He had that good old Italian temperament; he didn't fly off the handle right away, but after enough pecking, she could drive him into a yell, a sulk. And God, did she peck! She felt she had two choices—to just accept him the way he was, clean up after him for life, endure his slovenly ways, or keep after him and hope eventually he could meet her halfway. Well, there was a third choice…. She could give up and end the relationship. Divorce.
She started asking herself a lethal question—would it be against the rules to check Ryan out a little bit? Find out if he was being straight with her? It wouldn't take long; he'd give himself away in no time. She remembered too well the way his eyes would drift to another woman in the room and get that light that said volumes, that had new conquest burning brightly in them. She didn't ask her girlfriends about this; she knew the answer. It would be wrong.
But she called him, anyway. She had an hour break between clients at the beauty shop and went out back, behind the building where she'd be alone. "Hi," she said. "It's Marty."
"I know who it is," he said with a laugh. "What's going on?"
"I just thought I'd… Well, I thought maybe you could talk, that's all."
"I can, but for two minutes. I'm on my way into a meeting. Hey, I have an idea—meet me back at Martinelli's. We'll have a drink. Talk."
"No," she said. "No, I can't do that…."
"Why not? What's the difference between a conversation on the phone and one in person? It's a public place, Marty."
"No," she repeated. "I can't do that…."
"The husband watching you that close? You worried about something? Hey, he isn't mean to you, is he?"
"He's not watching me," she said. "In fact, he's on shift. But I— Let's just say I know better."
"Well, whatever you say, Marty. Want me to call you back after the meeting?"
"No," she said. "That's okay. It was just a—" She didn't finish. It was just an attack of the past, a moment of temporary insanity, a sick and lunatic desire to feel happy for a moment. And it was completely nuts because Ryan wasn't the answer. He'd never been the answer, not even long before Joe. "Just thought you might have a minute, but go on—go to your meeting. I'll check in with you again sometime." And she hung up.
Two hours later, while she was in the middle of a perm, her cell phone vibrated on her hip and she felt her cheeks grow hot. But she ignored it. When she was done with her client, she listened to the message. Hey, Marty, tell you what—I'm going to swing by Martinelli's for a beer at about five-thirty. I get the idea you'd like to talk, maybe lean on a friend or something. I can tell in your voice you're not really all together right now. Don't worry about it, baby. If you're there, you're there—I'm not going to get you in trouble. But if you can't make it, I get it. Call anytime.
And then she thought, I'm hopeless! He calls me baby and I get all sloppy inside. She was with Ryan for as long as she'd been with Joe, except Ryan had been a perpetual cheater.
But he was so young then, just a kid.
Joe was thirty-four. He was mature, knew what he wanted, was ready to make a commitment to one woman. But his transformation from boyfriend and fiancé to husband had been a complete shock. And so immediate! From the minute the honeymoon was complete—a hiking and camping trip to Yosemite!—he was all done focusing any attention on what would make her happy. Oh, he was conscientious enough during her pregnancy, which came immediately following the wedding, but it was all downhill from there. She just couldn't reach him!
Ryan, on the other hand, was a master seducer. When they had been together, he was completely tuned in to her, made sure she had everything she needed—from good dates to plenty of compliments. He had made her feel so cherished, so special, so beautiful and sexy. And she'd respond by making sure he was happy, in every imaginable way. Then inevitably his attention began to shift, of course. Then he'd cheat and they'd fight and break up.
At the moment she was having a real hard time figuring out which was worse. A hairy, scratchy guy in bed with her who just rolled over on her and expected favors, but would never, ever look at another woman, or a guy who had this little problem with being faithful but, when he was, made her feel like a queen.
"This is totally insane," she muttered to herself while she sat at the bar in Martinelli's. Her mother took care of Jason when she worked and she had called, told her she'd be a little late. "What in the world do I think I'm going to figure out by doing this?" There was absolutely no question—Joe would not take something like this lightly. He was more possessive than the average man and he thoroughly disapproved of cheating, and not just women. Men stepping out on their wives earned his scorn, as well.
She'd told Joe all about Ryan when they were dating—how in love she'd been, how hurt and destroyed by his behavior. And Joe had been completely sympathetic. He'd had one or two serious girlfriends before meeting her, and he could relate to the heartache that went along with the experience of it not working out.
She tried to summon up the emotions from the early days with Joe, the feeling that she'd never been so lucky. Here was a guy unafraid of commitment, a serious guy, a one-woman man. And he was so proud of her! Even now, even though he didn't do anything to make himself appealing to her, he seemed to show her off to his friends. She always tried to look her best for everything—even football at the sports bar—and he'd say something a little crude but not unflattering. "Look at that ass. You wonder why I'm tired?" Or, "Who has the best-looking woman in the city? No contest!"
What am I doing? she asked herself for the millionth time.
"Hey, Marty," Ryan said, bouncing into the bar, grinning. "I wondered if you'd take a chance."
"I shouldn't be here…"
"Then why are you here?" he asked.
Her eyes welled with tears. "I don't know. Because I'm nuts. Because I've been unhappy lately and I just—" She looked down into her glass of wine.
He put an arm around her shoulders and pulled her against him. "Easy, baby. You're having a hard time right now, that's all." Then to the bartender he said, "Miller Draft."
"I don't know why I called you," she said. "I don't know why I'm here. You can't help me with this…."
"Never know," he said. "You're pretty important to me, Marty. You have been since I was just a kid. If there's any way I can be there for you, I'd sure like the chance."
"But I'm married! I shouldn't even be talking to you, much less meeting you for a drink!"
"Lighten up, sweetheart. It's just conversation! Now, tell me what's wrong…"
When it came down to it, she couldn't. She was unable to be as honest with Ryan as she'd been with the girls; she protected Joe in the clinches. She just couldn't sell him out. So she said they failed to communicate, they had trouble supporting each other, so much drivel. And she asked him a lot of questions about his relationships. He claimed to have had one serious girlfriend in the past three years that he thought would go the distance, but in the end it just didn't work out. That would be Jill. And no, he hadn't cheated on her—it was the other way around. She found someone else. "Just what I deserved, I guess," he said with a short laugh. "But I've been a little reluctant to get back on the train since her. I guess I finally know how bad it feels."
"I wish I could feel sorry for you," Marty said.
"I don't expect sympathy," he said. "But damn, all along, you were the one, Marty. Otherwise, why would I keep coming back, huh? Because me and you together, that was perfect. I was the idiot who screwed it up, over and over again. I'd give anything to have another chance, knowing what I know now."
"Now, it's too late…."
"Is it? Because you're not happy."
"But I'm going to find a way to work this out," she said. "He's a good man. He loves me. We have a son together."
Ryan's arm was around her shoulders, his hand covering her hand. "Well, if it turns out it can't work out, you've got my number."
She looked at his eyes. He seemed to be sincere, but she'd been fooled by that in the past. "I have to go. My mom's got Jason…."
He pulled some bills out of his pocket and laid them on the bar, paying for her wine and his beer. "I'll walk you out."
"Maybe you shouldn't…"
He laughed. "You think he's got a detective on you? Relax, Marty. I'll walk you out."
And then, at her car, he pulled her against him and covered her mouth in a consuming kiss that took her back in time, sending her reeling into a bliss so forbidden and welcome, she trembled. God, he tasted so good, smelled so good. He ran his hands up and down her ribs, getting close to her breasts but not touching. When he finally released her lips, the fear of having been seen was so far away, it never occurred to her.
"Call me, Marty," he whispered, threading his fingers through her hair. "We can figure this out, make this work."
"Make what work?" she asked breathlessly.
"Maybe we can get each other over the rough spot. I'm alone, you're not real happy. And we're friends. Very, very good friends…."
"You're talking about—"
"Shhh," he said, cutting her off. "I don't want to complicate your life. I just want to be there for you. I can't stand to see you unhappy, that's all. I'll never stop loving you, you know that." And before she could respond, he was on her lips again, parting them with his, kissing her deeply. Branding her, turning her into the kind of woman she never thought she'd be. When he let her go, she almost collapsed. "Call me when you're free." Then he opened the door for her.