c6

Cassie entered Julie's darkened bedroom carrying two glasses of wine. Julie had spent all day in bed, had a substantial early dinner that Cassie made herself and brought over, was not on pain meds and…was no longer pregnant. Along with the dinner, she brought a bottle of wine, knowing Julie wouldn't have any on hand. She passed Julie the glass. Julie was propped up on some pillows and the color had come back into her cheeks, a little of the light into her eyes.
"You sure this is okay?" Julie asked Cassie.
"If you're not nauseous from the anesthesia, you're fine. I have a big dinner waiting for Billy and the kids when he gets them home from your mom's. But you and I should talk. Jules, I had no idea what was going on with you. Since when does that happen?"
"I'm sorry. It's not that I didn't trust you, that I didn't think you'd be supportive—I know you'd do anything for me. But I was devastated. Just stricken. In fact, I was thinking of making it go away before telling Billy, but I can't seem to keep things from him." She looked down into the glass, took a sip. Then tears filled her eyes. "I just reached an understanding with women in trouble I've never had before. When you face something like this, you just don't have any good choices. None. The choice I made wasn't good—it was the least terrible." She blinked and a tear spilled over.
"Can you please start at the beginning?" Cassie asked gently.
Julie laughed and rolled her eyes upward. "Let's see…I met Billy when I was fifteen years old, started dating him right before I turned sixteen…"
"Seriously," Cassie said.
"Seriously," Julie insisted. "Look, I know a lot of people have it worse. And believe me, I'd never complain about being married to the best man in the world or about having these kids—they're such awesome kids. But, Cassie, we just can't make ends meet. The only hope is keeping things static, and me going back to work as soon as possible. We can't add another child to the family without adding years to our financial recovery. There aren't just big bills to keep up with, there are old bills. Not just loans for Billy's school expenses—we've taken seconds on the house, equity lines, and the charge cards are maxed out." She laughed humorlessly. "You max out, cut up the card, and someone will give you a new one when you clearly have no way to pay the bill! This country is run on madness!"
"So…what happened?" Cassie asked.
"I got caught again," she said with a shrug. "Let's see, I got pregnant with Jeffy because I was taking antibiotics and my pills didn't work. I don't think anyone told me, but I can't remember. I was so young then, so hysterical. We got pretty good at relying on condoms and spermicide, but then there was a slip. We borrowed Joe's boat for an anniversary ride and got all steamed up, carried away and bingo—Clint. I swear to God, it was the only slip in five years, and he nailed me! I had a diaphragm right after Clint and got pregnant immediately. Beth said I must not have had a good fit. I thought I had it made with the IUD, even though my periods were like a train wreck. I made it three years!"
"Phew. Fertile Myrtle. You better hurry up on that vasectomy. Or something."
"I can't wait for him anymore. I'm going to do the tubal thing. I just don't know how to afford it…."
"How's he doing? Billy?" Cassie asked.
Again Julie looked down. "He's sad. He's very, very sad. He can't look me in the eye. I don't think he'll ever forgive me."
"Okay, wait. Let's get real here. That was the path of least resistance, pulling the IUD. This was going to happen, anyway—pulling the IUD just made it happen earlier. You get pregnant in the tube, the IUD keeps the fertilized egg from sticking, that's all it does. You never know what flowed out every month—a regular period or…"
"Or a baby?"
"Or a fertilized ovum. Do you have any idea how many fertilized ova don't stick, anyway, without the presence of an IUD? How many times you manage to fertilize an egg? No one knows, that's how many. Beth was right—you didn't have any control of the outcome. You had no way of knowing if yanking out that IUD would cause a miscarriage or not. It was a risk. But not much more of a risk than having it in there with the baby in the first place, so give yourself a break. It would be different if you went out and had an abortion behind your husband's back…."
"I was thinking about it."
"Thinking about it and doing it are two different things. Julie, you couldn't even keep from him the fact that you were pregnant! You tell him everything." She patted her hand. "He's feeling some loss, just like you are. You both need time to grieve, but you'll get beyond this. Come on."
The doorbell rang and Cassie put down her wine. "I'm on that," she said, rising to leave. She was back in less than a minute with Beth trailing along behind her.
"How are you feeling?" Beth asked, sitting on the bed.
Julie struggled against tears. "Empty."
"Aw, honey. I'm so sorry things haven't been easier…."
"Is it true? I could've lost it later? Like even after feeling it move?"
"We're making lots of progress with the rare IUD baby, keeping everyone safe and intact, but there are still occasional problems. The further the pregnancy goes, the better our chances. But then, every day is a stressful day, hanging on. The important thing is you're fine. Fine, Julie. That's worth being grateful for."
The doorbell rang again. "I'll get that," Cassie said once more.
In less than two minutes Marty came into the room, carrying a glass of orange juice for Beth. She sat on the bed along with everyone else. "Pregnant? And you didn't tell us?" Marty said.
"I was embarrassed," Julie said. "It was another accident. How can anyone believe me that I have this many accidents? I know in your hearts you must think I'm making excuses, that we took a lot of stupid chances…"
"Oh, don't be ridiculous. You can be depressed if you want to, but no paranoia," Marty said. "We know you, Jules. We know you had signed off on reproduction."
"Really, three kids—it'll put you right over the edge."
"Oh, yeah?" Marty laughed. "One more and I might hang myself!"
Beth turned to stare at her. "Is Jason a tough kid?"
"Nah, he's an angel. Joe's a tough kid." Then Marty looked at Julie and asked, "So, what's going on here? I mean, I can understand wanting to cut it off, but is there something else? Something you should be telling us?"
Julie just dropped her chin and shook her head.
"Yes, there are money problems," Cassie said, breaking the silence, giving her up. "Serious money problems—and since Billy and Joe work together, that can't go any further. Are you in this pact of silence?"
"Of course," Marty said. "Oh, my God! Did you think you couldn't trust me?"
"You know, I don't even care," Julie said. "Billy does nothing but work, and there's no reason he should be embarrassed around his friends. The truth is, we're just about bankrupt. If a car goes right now, we're doomed. It's old loans for college, maxed-out credit cards, a second on the house, a loan consolidation thing—it all piles up. It just keeps getting worse instead of better. There's no end in sight. Another baby sure wasn't going to help us dig out." She took a breath. "I panicked."
"Well, maybe bankruptcy is the answer," Beth said. "Have you talked to anyone about that?"
"That would be so humiliating…."
"But have you?"
"We've been to the bank," Julie said. "They discourage that."
"Of course they do!" Beth laughed. "They wouldn't get their money back! Oh, jeez—girl, you don't even know what you don't know!"
"Beth, I just don't think I could bear the shame of it. We pay our bills, or at least we do everything we can."
Beth just laughed and all eyes were on her. "That's very noble, but there comes a time when your family is more important than all that pride. I worked with a vascular surgeon who filed for bankruptcy, and he sure didn't look ashamed. I think he gave up his leased Ferrari, but he didn't move out of his eight-thousand-square-foot house with the pool! Jules, you have to get some help."
"We've had a couple of loan consolidation deals. We can't get ahead of them. The bills just keep getting bigger."
"That's what I'm saying—some of those bills have probably been paid ten times over with just the interest. There are solutions." Everyone just stared at her. "I read money magazines to relax."
Cassie just shook her head. "Oh, God, only you would read money magazines to unwind." Then to Julie she said, "Until you get this straightened out, we can help."
"Oh," Julie said, shaking her head. "No…"
"I don't mean with money," she said. "I'll commit to two casseroles a week. Big ones. I guarantee leftovers. And everything that's left in the garden."
"I can cover two. Joe will never know," Marty said. "I'll make them up on days he works and I'm home— I'll freeze them."
"Ah, since I don't even know how to cook," Beth weighed in, "what in the world can I do?"
"Can you buy lettuce and tomatoes?" Marty asked.